I've been having a bit of a discussion over on twitter about whether you would choose career success and the job of your dreams over love. I used to think I was very headstrong, independent and knew the answer in this situation, career! But that was the me who hadn't been in love before. That was the me who thought all relationships are doomed and didnt believe in marriage, yes I was very negative about relationships. My views have somewhat changed of late!! In fact I dont know whats happened to the strong willed independent girl I used to be.
So which would you choose?
EDIT: Im loving reading all these comments, so nice to hear your stories and advice!! one response (paraphrased): "It really isnt as simple as one over the other, its more about making some compromises for the sake of the relationship. And the right relationship will be worth the compromise" I think this is where I'm at, I wouldn't of ever compromised before, I was alot more selfish.
{photo source}
i would choose love all of the time, it is one thing to be living your dreams but another to be loved and in love... Only yesterday however did i find out that my love would choose his dreams.
@v ~ my love chose love, he moved to the other side of Australia for me, now the test is on my to do the same for him. And I would, but the choice isnt always easy.
career, but i guess i'm cynical about love in general, and half of it is always really only about sex, and the ones who don't believe in sex are so boring that it doesn't even matter. and career/ambition is forever, and me, and letting a boy get in the way of it just seems like a waste.
Love Love Love!
Love is all you need!
Work is VERY important... but love is more important... I think.
But that's just me!
@tweetxcore ~ this was pretty much my thoughts until a year ago. I always thought career and following your dreams. Until you meet someone who makes them seem to not matter anymore.
I'm pretty much exactly the same marriage was stupid, love was unrequited and pointles.
now I'm lost in what I believe though love is actually something important now......but in regards to my situation unfortunately to be successful in both our (my boyfriend and my) careers love is going to be difficult, but we know this.
I think career..oh gosh that sounds so awful.I still want love though
I was like you once & since 'falling in love' know that I could never choose a career over love. But in saying that, I do not think real love should result in the destruction of one's career. Love should be selfless as well as at times selfish.
I think at the end of the day, if you're looking at the situation completely sensibly and practically...
you'd choose love.
I doubt that's the answer most would think of when you asked them the most sensible and practical option, but my way of thinking about it is that if you find a suitable partner - someone supportive and interesting and fun and thoughtful and kind and attractive - then what a waste of the rest of your life it would be to throw him away and pursue a goal you could always pursue later, with him, at a more suitable time.
For instance, my boyfriend might get posted somewhere else next year with the army, and if I think he's the right person for me, deferring my uni course or changing to a different uni and would probably make more sense than finishing my course here and hoping that maaaybe things would eventuate with him again afterwards (if we were both single.)
I don't think of it as following him, I think of it as going together.
I think the question is maybe to simplified to really answer. It depends so much on the situation.
Would I give up all my dreams for somebody else? Definitely not. I would be an empty shell. But would I make compromised in favour of the relationship? Of course! If nothing else, it's easier to pursue your goals if you're happy and have somebody to support you.
Would I ever expect my love to sacrifice his dreams for me? Definitely never, how awful would that be.
The healthiest and happiest relationships are those where each one stays their own person as well, following their own dreams. It makes you stronger and happier together.
I also think "career" sounds far too negative. Of course I would never choose money over love. Self-fulfilment and expression can have so many different shapes and forms.
I was the same as you before I fell in love.
The funny thing is, I wasn't able to follow my dreams career-wise before I fell in love. My boyfriend is helping me along the path to my dream job (and spends as much time pulling me up as he does cheering me on.)
LOVE. Absolutely.
I think I agree with anonymous above me here. I think either or is an impossible question, I could not live without love, but without dreams and goals, I don't think there would be more of me left either...
I have already sacrificed for love, I chose to stay at home and go to i my local university instead of going abroad where I also was accepted. Sometimes I regret it, but I don't think my relationship would have lasted if I went. And in that sense, I regret nothing. My boyfriend and I have been together for five years and are now living together! However, I hope/expect him to sacrifice for our relationship as well, and he does.
♥
I think that it depends of the moment and the person you love. Over everything, I believe in happiness, and that everyone must choose their own happiness. if it is the career, I'll choose it. if it is love, I'll choose love.
Anyway, the time has been teaching me that we must take care and look to ourselves; I'm in love now but I know that my hapiness comes first, so if I have to work outside my country, I'll do; and if that person loves me, he would understand it.
Maybe I think like this because I've made lots of things for love and for other people, and life showed me that this is cool... but your onw hapinnes depends of yourself. I don't know.
Wow, this is long, sorry about that!!
I would chose love, because love is one of those things that once you find it, its hard to find again. But, I also feel that if he truly loved you, and you him. Then he would understand your Career love and let you have both.{in due time of course}
♥S.
It's just incredible how love can change you and the way you see your life. You don't have the same priorities because you don't think only about yourself but about you and him and you and him together.
i'm in this big choice situation now...
but since i'm under Leo sign, which you know our type will never let anyone let us down, i'll choose career (and wanting my partner to follow me).. it does sound hard, but thats what i choose for myself.
Love.
You can love your career, but it doesn't love you back.
I would be lost without it.
I am so happy you have found true love. Don't be scared.
Such a difficult question.
I think the best is to try one way or the other to mix career and love. =)
I was the same as you, feeling I'd never settle down and I'd be a workaholic for the rest of my life.
Well, then, I met my husband. And this little thing called love knocked me straight on to my butt.
Then it becomes about compromise- one of the great things about having a healthy relationship is that we can compromise, and we try to support each other both in good times and bad. If that means a career move, so be it- we do what we need to do to support one another.
But I also realize that I can be a complete workaholic (as can DH, since he owns his own business!) so there are times where we need to remind ourselves that work isn't the only important thing in life. :D
At the moments I'll choose career, haven't been in love before so who knows! Like you, even i might get see the the other side.
You can have/start a career anywhere you want if you are really great at what you do! But true love is hard to come by. x :)
I would do anything for the love I have. Protect it. Honour it. Anything.
I love my job. We both love our jobs. But without the love we have for each other (and now our daughter) our lives would not be as rich.
Love.
I am about to quit my very secure job, leave my home, family and friends for my love.
We are moving overseas.
No question.
Oh, I just read the reason you're asking this.
I am leaving Sydney and moving to Vancouver because my boy misses home. He moved here for me and now I am doing it for him.
I hope you can find the answers you seek.
Life is about taking risks and chances and seeing how you can make the best out of the situations you put yourself in.
I know it's going to be VERY hard but it's worth it because being without him would be far worse.
@Amanda & Amanda ~ that is exactly my situation, considering leaving my job, family and friends to follow my heart. Not to go overseas, but 2000kms from where I currently live. Its a hard decision and maybe im stressing myself too much over it!!!
I'd like to think they would be some compromise between the two, what a dilemma !
Trust your gut :)
It's funny how much falling in love changes you.
From my experience it's better to regret doing something, than regret not doing something
I'm married and have two children already. Sometimes his one kiss and hug could make the day brighter. So you see ..I'm hopeless.
But follow your heart is the best !
@Pierrot ~ I love the advice "it's better to regret doing something, than regret not doing something"
@Sophie Jong ~ oh that is so sweet and inspiring!!
I guess I'd rather have a job of my dreams. I've been heartbroken too many times. I am so afraid of falling in love again, that I simply don't want to take a risk. Yes, I know how pathetic it sounds...
carreer ... love'll come next,or come back you know? :)
I think it would be a bit of a cycle of conversation. If he had his dream job and it meant uprooting everything I probably would choose love, otherwise...I know he'd love me enough to not make me choose
hey you there.. I often feel the same way as you..
I think career and love are such the same thing..
but it depends on how it influences your life for now.. we could be that strong at the time.. but wouldn't that be wonderful when there's someone special beside you when you're feeling exhausted with your career?..
I really love this kind of conversation..
may you be blessed in both ways.. career and love life :D
cheers!
Why do we have to choose? I choose happiness. Happiness to be alive and be able to search for love. Love a carrier, love a guy, love yourself, whatever loves means to you, go for it! People think they must have someone to love or the perfect job. The search is what's worth living for. Not having it. Am I wrong? I don't know. I just love life :D
Me, I'd choose love every time...
I chose love, moved half way across the world and am as in love now as when we met 11 years ago. I shudder to think where I would be now if I'd listen to my head instead of my heart!
I think that it's important to make yourself happy first - some people may see this as being selfish, but in the end it's your life so why not!
I chose my dream job which led me to living here in Nepal, while I was still in a serious relationship. In the end my boyfriend realised I was important to him, so he proposed and we got married and the next week moved to Nepal! So I guess decide what you want first, and if love is meant to happen, it will! =)
That sounds familiar. For college I chose high school love... stupid. After college, I was way too independent to even think about giving up my dreams and turned down a proposal. Now... that's a tough one, I would definately weigh the options a lot heavier and consider both parties. If my love was unwilling to bend or compromise... probably have to consider that as a flag as well. Good luck! It's never easy :)
love...but follow your dreams.always.
♥ LITTLELOVESBOOK
At the time being 22 year old I only wanted a career. To get involved with someone from work would be out of the question. I have seen it too many times before that it doesn't work out so why would it work for me? But there he was just standing there for the first time in our office and in my heart I just know he was the one. But it took 2 year for my head to agree after we dated, got engaged, married and now with three beautiful children. About my job yes I made a decision to leave and at the time my career was blossoming but when you know it's right don't fight it and when you are looking for an answer, it will be there waiting.
can i have both? :) i just made quite a big decision btw, i'm leaving my current job in advertising. not that i'm leaving my dreams but i have chosen a different path. going to work on the same area but it's for non-profit organisation this time so hopefully less stress and less working hours. which means i would have more spare time, which i'm planning to split between my own time, socialising and looking for love! i'm excited :D
Why not both? My husband always knew I wanted to be a writer. When we moved to West Texas, he said, "Let's buy a one income home. You've always wanted to write."
And so I did.
Fifteen years later, I'm still writing and I still have that great guy.
kwh
P.S. I love your blog. I'm so glad it was a Blog of Notes.
I'd like to say I would choose career, but I know for a fact that I would choose love. But my goal is to achieve success in both. & I truly believe I will!
L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore
:-)
I wouldnt want to have to choose love over a career, because I dont think the person would be in my best interest to make me choose love over my career, Id want both! I want to be in love, but also be two seperate people, and be independant, I only know one person whos managed that with her boyfriend
but if you mean to say just pick one in general, either or
of course id choose love :)
totally know what you mean about being strong willed, and where did that person go?!!!
This is a very good question-and I agree that it is not one or the other, but about compromising!
PS LOVE LOVE LOVE that picture!
For me, at this point in my life I have too many things I want to do and see to give it all up for one person. That might sound like a selfish statement but while I am young and have the freedom to follow my dreams I don't want to be held back by a relationship.
I would end up feeling bitter towards that person and that would lead to a toxic outcome. I think people have to follow their own paths until the find someone who doesn't ask you to change yours but to try and merge it with theirs.
career or love. if it were only that simple. but if it were that simple, it would be love, every single time.
Sometimes when you don't have love, a career is what wards off the loneliness. Sometimes a career can create a sense of fulfillment and purpose that a relationship can not. However, I am one that in the past chose relationship over success. I compromised too much and now am starting over again in the realm of education/career. There must be a compromise. I tend to have that all or nothing attitute and am working on moderation, compromise, and patience so that one day I will be able to have both personal fulfillment in the realm of work and personal life.
This is a really neat discussion Liss.
Right now, I think I'm choosing to do something I love.
While I do love the idea of a successful career and sometimes get caught up in my thoughts of it, at the end of the day, I think it's all about being happy and doing something you LOVE.
Now if those could be combined - a successful career that you love, that would be the ideal ;)
xo.
danni
oh, hello friend.
So many excellent thought provoking comments!! I've always been love first, career second. I care more about my marriage than any job. Jobs come and go, marriage is forever.
XOXO
Never blindly choose love over career. Make sure he's worth it: If he's the kind of guy who thinks it's obvious that the woman, not the man, has to renounce her career dreams, second-guess your love choice, not your career choice. If he'd be prepared to do the same for you - to give up his dream job to be with you - then consider it. Sounds paradoxical, I know. Never do something that makes you thoroughly unhappy in order to make someone else happy; it won't work anyway. Each of you has to be willing to make changes to their lives to fit together with the other one. Generally, it pays to work out a compromise where both have jobs that make them reasonably happy but can also be together. One just has to see the possibilities that are out there.
I may sound extremely lecturing and over-wise, but I speak mostly from what little experience I have :)
Greetings,
poet
always love!
Love. For sure. But then I have never been career minded. I am in my thirties and still don't know what I want to be 'when I grow up'! I know other people who have chosen career, and that has made them happy - its about dreams I guess - my daughter is my dream.
There is no greater force than love! I'll follow a true love anywhere, but I also know that two souls were once independent and must remain so in order to truly be happy as one. Respecting each other's dreams and goals is the most important gift you can give to another, and ultimately, this love will bloom and blossom like no other. Here's to love!
This is a very interesting question but I think I'm to much of a romantic and a dreamer to choose the career. I think it is possible to reconcile the two and be fulfilled. have I made it there yet? no...but I'm still young ;)
I already have a hard time doing stuff I hate like homework so I think I would fail at doing a job I'm not a 100% devoted to. So I pick love over success.
Career for sure!
I know I sound cynical on this, but seriously I don't want to love someone who resents me for making more money then he does. And relationships change all the time. What if he has all the money under his control and he decides hes in love with someone else. Or you decide you love someone else.
Atleast have enough money to make it on your own if the relationship ends.
btw I <3 your blogs! :)
I say career. I say that because God gives us chances...sometimes chances that only come around once. Love is infinite. If that person is your soulmate, they will not make you chose between them and your dream job. Also...everything that is meant to be will be.
i think if you follow true love, then everything else ends up positively flowing and falling into place. including career. nothing is 100% but i'd hate to be super successful and with no one to share it with.
When I was younger, I would have said: career all the way-- but as I grow older and wiser, I realize how lucky I am to have love in my life-- and have a wonderful marriage. I'm blessed to have these things and would choose them over material blessings any day!
i think you can be strong willed and independent in a relationship, with a career too! you learn to balance the two and i think a part of love is finding someone who has similar goals or determination in life and encouraging them as they should encourage you. relationships can be hard especially when all human beings want the freedom to live their own lives but i try to remember that both my bf and i have sacrificed but also gained new experiences and oppurtunities that we wouldn't have thought of without each other. <3
Love will always prevail. In work you are generally quite often replacable, but if someone loves you and wants you for the rest of their life then you are irreplacable. Who is going to make you cups of tea and snuggle with you on the sofa when your retired and have no one around? xxxx
I agree at your point saying "It really isnt as simple as one over the other, its more about making some compromises for the sake of the relationship. And the right relationship will be worth the compromise". I my self do realize both love and cariers has it's own points of importance at which those aspects compromise to meet harmony... As im still 20 now of course career and love is two big points for me to handle carefully so that i can place my self right at each of these... Love your share and your blog...
I feel that there is not a choice as to one or the other but there is more of a mesh of the two. If you can be with someone who wants you to have all the success in the world when it comes to your career and gets involved in that aspect of your life and vice versa, then you have the best of both worlds. I totally believe there is a place in the world for the headstrong/independent woman who also has a love of her life. Today, there is just no reason to choose between the two!
i'd choose love any time, because a love worth having will give you more delight than a career any time x
Wow, I'm not quite sure where I stand on this one. I love my career, but if I met the right person, who knows! :) Great post!
i'm married and i would choose career if i had some sort of job skills.
I vote love always...
Right now I'm at a point of starting my career and continuing a love that i hope turns out for life. I think if you are lucky to be brave chose love. This is not foolish at all. I look at it as if love is the lose you'd have to bare. A job will come and go (especially now!) and then they will come again,even if you miss what you think is an opportunity of a lifetime, you will have someone at home to help you though it and make a new opportunity! Good luck!
I agree with what you said, it depends on the person, the circumstances, and how much the relationship truly means to you. If you think they would make the sacrifice for you in return, then it might be worth the plunge. But...I would be sure that they are worth it because I considered moving for my boyfriend at the time, whom I was hopelessly in love with and it turned out that he dumped me for another girl. So, bottom line, be sure of their intentions and be sure of yours. Obviously it is a leap of trust and commitment, and any relationship requires risk...but hopefully it would allow for a happily ever after.
Great thread Liss!
I really think it's a growing up thing. A few years ago I was ready to pack up and move anywhere for work. Nothing excited me more than reaching the absoulute heights of my career ( photojournalism.) Then I got a job at a paper and got a big, fat wake up call. I met so many people who had given up everything for work and they seemed kind of empty.
I am nor prepared to compromise my whole life for a job, no matter how happy work has made me, my partner makes me 100 times happier everyday.
I read a really great article about Stevie Nicks where she talks about how she never married long term or had kids. She was saying it's because she knew she was destined for something else,a nd that she felt it was her duty to give herself fully to her fans.
As everyone said it depends on the person, but love doesn't just mean a romantic relationship. I would give up my job if one of my dearest freinds, family or kids needed me as well.
why can't you have both? if they truly loved you then they wouldn't make you give up your career?
Love. Jobs and careers come and go. I want someone to sit and hold hands with when I'm old. A career can't hold my hand, or hug me, or listen to my ramblings. No job is worth giving up love.
Perhaps if I found a vocation in life I would feel differently... but I doubt it :)
Great question, Liss! But, I wonder if there can be some sort of balance too. If you're passionate about both things, then somehow the synergy will intertwine itself. The person you love can often boost whatever it is you're doing with your career - and perhaps that love can even take you on a career path of your dreams if you're bringing in so much positive energy. Ironically, we just posted a guest post on how to remain positive even if you don't love your job - we must be on the same wavelength today. Really liked today's post!
- Laura
Hey Liss, guess what..I'm eventually moving to QLD (Brissy) next year, so is Jassi! so take it slow, find your job...but eventually end up there! cos i will! how awesome would that be? but lets still post that diary back and forth...
xoxo
@Jags ~ OMG really? wow that would be awesome if we lived in the same town again!!!! yay, now I'll have my bestie up there too :-)
I say if both are the real deal then you'll find a way; shouldnt have to pick one over the other. I know that sounds very idealistic and not very realistic, but honestly think it's do-able. Is this a question you're going to have to face?
I had to make that choice not too long ago, and I chose love. I moved where I am still currently living to attend university and met my now husband in the process. He was also a grad of the same school but had found a job in his field here that pays well right after graduating. I was a fashion major and his industry will always make more than mine as far as a job goes, so it was kind of a decision for love and economics at the same time. One day we might be able to love somewhere where can both utilize our talents, but for now, mine has to be placed on the back burner so to speak.
xo
Jennifer
http://milliedeel.blogspot.com
Its easy pleasing others but more harder to please yourself. We all make hard decisions and we live through it. There will always be; what if's, what might have happened and wow that coulda been, but really we dont know for sure. We have one life to live and we try so hard to make the best decisions as possible, and to live it to the fullest. There will always be regrets but the severity of the situation is completely on you, and if you choose to let it get that far. Everyone wishes we could have our cake and eat it, but then it wouldnt be called LIFE. Sorry for wasting your time i guess what im trying to say is i hope everything works out, and when it seems like it wont, know its just life and thats how its suppose to be. (As the sun sets in the west it will never let you down and rise in the north.)
chi.
@Everyone ~ thanks so much for all your comments and wise words!! I did write a follow up post to this, but it was fairly personal and I decided to take it down. Basically the decision facing me inst as dramatic as Career vs Love, its more a delay and rethink of where I'm at i'm my career and moving to a place with considerable less career opportunities for me. But I like what Chi said about how "this is life and we wish things could be all idealistic and think we can have our cake and eat it too" but nope, sometimes we need to make hard choices and decisions...but thats all part of living and learning!!!!
I love this entry. I believe in love over career, but I wouldn't love a man if he didn't want me to follow my dreams and ambitions. But of course, there has to be a balance (:
Loving the HEARTS!
Love for definite, but not when it completely overtakes ambition in your career... I want to be successful for being me, but also be successful in a couple if that makes sense!
Hi, just stumbled on this thread and found it really interesting. I'm a UK journalist and I'm currently writing a feature on career-focused women who are too busy for a serious relationship but maintain a sex life with a bed buddy/'friend with benefits' or find sexual partners on dating websites. Wondered if anyone out there does this? If so, would love to hear direct from you - I'm at helen.gent@tiscali.co.uk. :)
beautiful picture
i am the same way as you i leave to army in july but im really in love with a guy i believe is perfect for me everything i alaways wanted i really don't know what to choose but i may choose my goal then, our love... :(
why choose when you can have both ?
love can wait so does career, just pick one who will be in the waiting shed :)
She's always told me that she would consider her career first. And every-time she says that my heart sinks just little more. I know that I have never been a bad lover. I have been there every single time before she's had to turn around to look for me. But there is obviously something i haven't done. I don't think she really knows how much I love her. And I don't know another way to make her understand. At the end of day come whatever may, I'll still love her. And I hope sometime soon she will understand this. I am already fulfilled with the love I have for her. So yes Love is all way. I will win.
Well I love all the comments. I have battling a serious decision. I have had plans for my career that will take me to a different country for a time period. I may end up loving this opportunity and want to do for a bit longer than the initial time period. It will possibly open doors of opportunity for me and will definitely be exciting. IN the mean time I end up falling in love with a very special person, who is very dear to my heart. They say they are willing to deal with my choice for the initial period, but not sure if that is soemthing they can deal with for long term. They want answers of where things will be with us in the future. I go on to explain my feelings/love for them and say that Im not sure. I dont know what the future holds and I dont think anyone has control over that. I believe if things are suppose to be between two people then they will be no matter what happens in between. ANy suggestions? Words of wisdom?
@Anonymous ~ thanks for sharing your story. I ended up finding a way I could pursue my career and love. I moved to a town I never thought I would live in for love, but also found a great career opportunity for myself here. It's a hard choice and in the end you have to weigh it all up and make the right choice for you. Lots of people I think would go for love, but I think Im always very ambitious and want career and hope that with the right person you should be able to make it work. good luck with it all.
The career is a very tempting road to take and both offer nothing but fortune.
I myself am very ambitious and want to become the best at what I do, but the top is very lonely.
To put it in perspective, once you've reached your goals, you have the money you want and your doing what you love...where to from here? You've surrounded yourself with materialistic things, an uncharismatic bank account and people who don't care about you. And possibly enough stress for an instant hernia.
Most likely you would have developed a fake, polite on the surface, cutthroat personality on the way to get there....if you make it.
I'm not saying money is bad. Or all these things will happen. It is however a road of complexity and full of disdain.
I say keep it simple and find contentment in love.
It is the road filled with less regret and career opportunities are a dime a dozen.
"The One" is not so much.
I am a 23yr old male(it's interesting to know what demographic says what)